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He came over and was quiet for a few moments, as he watched. I lifted another pancake from the pan, and then he leaned down and kissed my cheek, placing his hand on my back."You oughta get dressed, Jessie," he whispered.The smile on my face slowly ebbed. There was something about how he said that, which didn't sit right with me. Then he patted my back, saying he was going to take a shower. I watched him slowly walk back upstairs to the bathroom, and a minute later heard the water running.I stood there for a few seconds staring down at the plate of pancakes, thinking about what he'd just said. But it wasn't his actual words that struck a nerve. It was how he said them. It wasn't like he was saying, "Hey! Get dressed so we can go outside and explore this beautiful day together!" It was more like, "I'm screwing my daughter and having a hard time dealing with it, so could you please not walk around naked?"I must have been standing there for a long time, because I didn't come out of my. ‘Ebenezer, I told the children about your wise decision to defer your concept of a wedding promotion until after their wedding. They were pleased.’ Children? We certainly hadn’t discussed using that word. I worried the infantilization would undercut my ability to negotiate, but it was out there and I couldn’t think of any way to fix it. ‘Good. I’m gratified they appreciated my efforts.’ He was aloof. That was an effort? Declining to make my wedding a marketing circus was an effort? He was gratified? I knew efforts was an attempt to spin his backing down as going out of his way to do something nice for us. That I could stomach. Gratified was just pompous. Jeff would have been gratified I didn’t burst into flame and call my father an asshole. My newfound ability not to fly off the handle was a measure both of how far I had come and how far I had needed to come. I was embarrassed at who I used to be. ‘Dad, you have a lot of business friends and associates coming to my wedding. I think.
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